The Myth of ‘Being Completed’

You complete me.” “Will you accept this final rose?” “I’m only me when I’m with you.” Don’t we all want to hear those words said to us? Don’t we all want to feel like we’ve found that one person in the world who makes us whole, who meets our needs and gives us the happily ever after ending to our stories? Don’t we all want to feel like we’ve been chosen, that ‘our person’ is finally permanent?

Whether single or married, we sometimes believe the messages that we’re bombarded with – that our life would be infinitely enhanced if we were to be ‘completed’ by someone else. I work with Veritas, The Crossing’s college ministry. Over the years as I’ve met with girls of this age group, one of the most-thought-about issues is their relationship status – or lack thereof. I get it. Sometimes it can seem like everyone else has already embarked on their happily ever after Disney story, and we’re the ones who are left at home, grateful for the automatic play of the next Netflix show. And being married, it can sometimes seem wrong if our marriage isn’t going exactly how we think it should. Shouldn’t my marriage fill me up in every way, make me feel whole, rather than empty or disappointed at times?

It doesn’t take long to realize that we are looking for fulfillment in all the wrong places. When we put our hope for a happily ever after ending in our spouse, or the spouse that we wish we had, we will inevitably become miserable. If it’s true that every human being is sinful, then there will be times when we are let down, disillusioned by the fabricated idea that this person will restore my life and give me what I need. Our search will cause us to walk around in circles, hoping in something that is hopeless, looking to ourselves and further focusing inward on our unmet needs, longing to finally be satisfied.

Often, we tell ourselves that this longing is bad, that we just need to be content and stop daydreaming about marriage, or stop thinking about the ways our spouse lets us down. But that longing reveals what is put inside each of us: to want a perfect, complete, whole contentment. We were designed to want and even need fulfillment and satisfaction, but God intends for us to find it in his Son. That longing points us to Christ, where we will be truly made complete. That’s something that no one else offers, no matter how many Disney movies you watch or how many Taylor Swift songs you listen to.

When we experience this true wholeness, we are content in where God has us. And though this contentment isn’t void of a desire to want to experience companionship or a sustaining, healthy marriage, we trust that God is our good Father who has given us everything we need, right now in our current season, to be fully satisfied. Isaiah 58:11 says this: “The Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”

We are freed up to serve, rather than hoping that we will be served. We are freed up to care for others, to meet their needs, because we know that ours have been met in Christ. Our true meaning is found in him. May we be guided and quenched by God, looking to him to supply the only fulfillment we need.

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