5 Things I Wish I Did More as a Wife

So I have mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day. Is it just a Hallmark holiday or a great way to encourage us to love those most important to us? When I am filling helping fill out 41 children’s valentines to be stuck in cardboard boxes covered with pink construction paper, I think it must be the former.

But in an effort to get in the spirit this year, I thought maybe it would be worth thinking of things I could do to love my husband better. Not ways to change my husband, but ways to change me – things I could do to love him better. Maybe some will resonate with you, maybe some won’t, but nonetheless I hope that you might come alongside me in asking the question. And by the grace of God maybe, just maybe, I will be able to turn some of these wishes into action.

5 things I wish I did more as a wife

1. Verbally praise him

I think my husband is great, but I am not always the best at verbalizing this. It is not uncommon for me to think ‘Gosh, I am glad he gave the kids their baths tonight,’ or ‘It was really great he filled my car up with gas,’ but often those thoughts stay right there in my head. I wish I was better at communicating my appreciation to him in words. Knowing that ‘words spoken’ is one of his love languages, I have even more of a desire to grow in this area.

2. Invest in romance

After the endless daily cycle—sounding out The Cat in The Hat, breaking up squabbles, changing diapers or, even worse, running with a screaming two-year-old towards a toilet while pee starts to soak through his jeans—often the last thing on my mind, once the kids are in bed, is romance. I wish it was. I am not even talking primarily about sex. I am just talking about a sweet letter slipped in his coat pocket before he leaves for work, a prolonged kiss when he walks in the door, or a back massage before heading to bed. I think these things would minister to my husband, and if I am honest, me too.

3. Encourage him in his guy friendships

One of the things that originally attracted me to my husband was that he had good guy friends. As life has gotten fuller, it is easy for those relationships to get squeezed. Because he wants to love me and the kids well, he will often forgo an evening with the guys. My guess is that he would actually love us better when he is fulfilled with relationships with other godly men. I want him to have these friendships even if it means a little sacrifice on my part.

4. Make better snacks when watching sporting events

My husband loves a good sports game. My husband also loves food. (In fact, my sister-in-law has claimed he is the most rewarding person to cook for because he is so appreciative of good food.) Given our stage of life, we watch most of our favorite games downstairs with kids asleep upstairs. I would like to prepare ‘fun’ food for him to enjoy along with his favorite teams – making something that he already enjoys even more special. It might be something different for your spouse or friend, but the ‘thinking ahead’ component required to plan something definitely shows love.

5. Pray for him more

I love my husband immensely. I believe that God is sovereign and in charge of all. Wouldn’t these two truths lead me to pray for him . . . a lot? I want to be someone who prays without ceasing. I would like to pray for my husband a fraction of how much I think of him. I am confident that if I did my heart would be in a better place.



  1. Mona Pargee said:

    Thank you for asking us to come alongside you and consider ways by which we can love our husbands better. Thank you also for being open to the Holy Spirit’s reaching us through your words. Lord bless you.

  2. Eileen said:

    Good post Erin, thanks for the reminder

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